Spring Cleaning: Mental Clutter & Self Talk

Spring is here, so you know that means: Spring cleaning.
I’m not going to give you tips on how to clean out your closet or go through the piles of paperwork on your desk.

Let’s talk about mental clutter and then, how we create it with our self talk.

Just like the saying goes for our bodies- our minds are our temples; they are our personal space among a big and busying world full of distractions. With advertisements and new technology and constant social settings, it’s so important to really worship that mental space. Our headspace can be whatever we create it to be.

Therefore, when we’re negative, we create mind clutter.

Picture stacks of bills, ceiling to floor, that represent taxing emotions.
Picture walls stamped with old pictures of memories harbored, hung crooked and crammed together.
Picture dusty furniture and bookcases overflowing with the phrases you repeat to yourself, shaming yourself.

How can you get anything done in that kind of setting? How do you let the sunlight in again? How do you clear out the room and breathe?


Mental clutter is all of that. The negativity breeds toxic habitual thoughts. The thoughts become negative self talk. The self talk feeds the worry and clouds any view of the future. No wonder you can’t focus on anything; you’re forgetful and filled with memorized to do lists.
You need to get more done, look better, buy more, get better deals, be smarter, work harder, work faster, get promoted, be a better human, be a better friend, take care of your responsibilities. The mental clutter becomes worse when we internalize it.


It’s so easy to look at yourself and pinch any excess skin and call yourself fat. It’s easy to second guess your ideas and opinions. It’s easy to self loathe and throw pity parties. It’s second nature for most of us to put ourselves down.
Anxiety feasts on these hams of heartlessness and self hatred. However, this isn’t a death sentence. We can make things better for our brains.

Switching up our self talk.
Gas yourself up, compliment yourself, be a little selfish with your self talk. You really are great, you really are a bad ass.
Positive affirmations are helpful but tend to fall under the umbrella of a future tense with the usage of verbs.

For example you may find yourself saying-
“I will be successful. I will lose weight. I will be happy.”
Change that kind of language into-
“I’m perfect as I am right now. My body is beautiful right now. I am able to be happy and content right now.”

Even if you achieve all those goals and look perfect, you still won’t be able to enjoy it if you aren’t happy with what you’re already working with. And by the way, happiness is fleeting. It isn’t a 24/7 emotion like everyone wants you to think.
Genuine contentment is what you should be trying to attain, its much more reasonable.


Be reasonable with yourself. The harder you you are on yourself, and the higher your expectations are, the more disappointed in yourself you will be when you don’t get everything exactly right. You are a human; you cannot achieve every perfect task in every perfect way every single day. It’s great to hold yourself to higher standards and have goals, but be reasonable about them. You know your limits, enforce them with yourself.

Stop throwing pity parties.
If you have time to self loathe and feel bad about yourself, you have enough time to turn it around.
You have to choose not to sit in that stagnant pile of shit-pity.
Seriously, you will reek of it.

Your peers can sense when you are constantly downing yourself and feeling sorry for yourself. That isn’t going to gain you any kind of sympathy or change any situation you are currently in. Instead, those feelings will flood your mind with worry and sadness and prevent that beautiful light of positivity from radiating all over you!

Try this: Give yourself 5 minutes to feel down about whatever it is, and then shift your mentality. Turn on some music and focus on something totally separate. By changing your mind from this negative state, you will be able to control your emotions and still understand them, rather than letting them control you.


Utilize your imagination wisely.
Your imagination is a powerful tool. When misused, it can hoard negative what-if scenarios in the spacious place among your brilliant mind. Instead, utilize your imagination and exercise it positively.

Make shapes out of the clouds or daydream for a bit.
Read a book full of magic and mystery.
I actually just finished reading “The Hazel Wood” by Melissa Albert and it stimulated my mind by taking me away to a landscape of fairytales, mystery and action.

Check out the novel here!>> The Hazel Wood

These things put us in a favorable headspace and keep us from being caught up in the chaos of our surroundings. Mental clutter is a constant project and requires daily maintenance. When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and putting yourself down, stop and ask if you would speak to your very best friend in such a manner. If you did, you probably wouldn’t have any friends at all.
So why is it that we think it’s totally fine to tell ourselves such harsh fantasies?
That’s what they are: fantasies.
Quite often, we are much greater than we give ourselves credit.

restaurant-table-sugar-kitchen.jpgChange your phrasing.
Every time you find yourself insulting yourself, tell yourself two good things right away. Not bullshit things either. Really dig in and indulge yourself. If your really feel like you should be working harder at something, change your vocabulary when you think about it.

Rather than saying-
“Wow I really suck at cooking, why should I even bother?”
Try thinking-
“I’m decent at cooking but the more I do it, the better I’ll get.”
Essentially the messages are similar and yes it seems like common sense, but how often do we really choose to alter our personal thoughts and vocabulary? You just went from sucking to being decent. I bet your mom would simply be impressed that you were cooking at all!


Choose and surround yourself with your role models.
Instead of mindlessly scrolling through airbrushed and face-tuned pictures of instagram models and Pinterest lists of how to be crafty-er, pick  a select few people that truly inspire your positive mindset.

Right now these are my personal role models:
(Click their names to see their instagrams!)

  • Actress/HRC representative Ellen Page
  • Business owner/Author/ex-actress/Lgbtq ally Lisa Vanderpump
  • Actress/activist/Brown University graduate Emma Watson
  • Multi-instrumentalist/Musician/Producer Tash Sultana

    These women are driven, successful, smart, openminded, claim their personal style and assert their presence. I’d rather see what they’re posting than some random chick promoting a tea drink to make your stomach resemble a washb
    Nothing wrong with tea or fitness, but do you catch my drift?

    The thoughts we produce become our actions. Our self talk decides our next move. Our mindset is our precursor for whether we will attain positive contentment or the latter. With spring blossoming on your calendar, I wish you the best on your mental decluttering journey. I send you all the good vibes for a more positive self speaking ability and hope that you found this article enlightening.
    As always, much love.

Going with the Flow

Orlando is home to individuals from all walks of life pursuing the most diverse careers in Florida. Jess Harvey, better known by her stage name Jess Neptune, represents this part of the demographic and exceeds  in the variety factor. The performer runs her own entertainment business, Cirque Bishop with her boyfriend and partner, Brad Bishop. The duo hosts events with their crew of 20+ performers that specialize in the flow arts.

Cirque Bishop-2_preview

According to Jess, flow artists “manipulate an object to make shapes and dance. It sometimes puts you in a flow/meditative state, that’s where it gets it’s name from.”

Some examples of flowing are juggling, hula hoop dancing, spinning staffs and fans and spinning poi, which are weighted tear drop shaped objects attached to rope or string. Basic flow art objects are called day props and then there are also props that light up, called LED’s. Cirque Bishop elevates the flow art experience by lighting many of their props on fire. Yes you read that correctly; fire.

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Jess began her journey with flowing as a college student, with friends who shared her interest in hooping. I asked her about how Brad and her created their business and what the idea was behind the name.
“Before I started performing it was mainly Brad who was doing it. We tried to come up with a name for him which was, Cirque Bishop, his last name is Bishop. The name stuck and now that I started performing we kept the name as we plan on getting married and I will also be Bishop too one day.” This fiery romance flows better than most.

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Although Jess runs this exclusive and uncommon business, she leads a pretty normal daily life.
“I love cooking and hanging out with my pets and my friends. Listening to music and doing yoga. I like creating art and being surrounded by it.”
She’s a civilian by day and fire spinning funambulist by night.
Jess Neptune claimed that her biggest obstacle with running her own business is to continue pushing herself to work hard for herself; which makes sense when you are your own boss. Something she is working on most recently is stilt walking.

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Despite the fun loving atmosphere that the flow arts create, a lot of blood sweat and tears goes into these effortless-looking flow performances.
“I don’t think people realize how much time, money, and effort is put into performing. Also, people think of flow artists sometimes as ‘lazy hippies’ and that is not what we are. We are hard working performers” said Jess.


Cique Bishop’s  mission statement reads:

Cirque Bishop LLC is a circus entertainment and equipment business. Our goal is to provide quality and innovative cirque entertainment to people from all walks of life. Cirque Bishop performs and teaches throughout the entire state of Florida, but will travel world-wide. 

To get started in flowing, learning new tricks or even simply meeting other people that flow, she suggested attending music festivals, flow events and fire jams.
“You can find flow artists near you in many different groups on facebook. I would recommend trying all the props to see what interests you the most because everyone is different and everyone’s brain’s work differently.” Each person seems to approach their flow individually and their process tends to vary. So it’s helpful to realize that there are so many different types of flow and objects to utilize rather than be overwhelmed by the amount of options.



Jess Neptune’s encouragement for others to experience the flow arts seems to be apart of her natural energy. She ended our interview with this.
“Follow your heart & dreams. Work hard to make your dreams come alive. Don’t let your dreams just be dreams.”


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Her tangible success has been admired by onlookers in Orlando locally and on social media as well. To contact her for booking, you can visit CirqueBishop.com and email CirqueBishop@gmail.com or call/text their office
You can also catch up with Cirque Bishop on facebook- facebook.com/CirqueBishop
and view their instagram- @cirquebishop. 

24 Lessons the Year 24 Taught Me

1. I am my best self in the morning.
You really can be a morning person. I know I’ve mentioned it in past articles. I worked nights for many years, and quit being a night owl- cold turkey. I fully immersed myself in morning rituals and early bedtimes. I’ve found that I truly put my best food forward and I get the most out of my day when I rise with the sun. It has absolutely changed my life.

2. Take care of your mental and physical health.
Get your check ups, dental cleanings and try out therapy. When you feel good, you can do even more good. Mom and Dad aren’t going to make those appointments for you anymore, and you don’t want to be walking around with rotting teeth and a weird mole that you’ve been meaning to get checked out for ages now. All jokes aside, mental health is big now too. You are responsible for your mental well being. Don’t let your emotions rule you; don’t let mental illness take over your life. You can do this.

3. Venting about problems makes things worse.
Very few people actually should hear about your problems. When you complain about your problems, chances are that the other person is either happy that you are miserable like them or they don’t really care. Venting doesn’t make anything change, but it does make your mood worse.

4. Stop living your life to impress other people.
Again, nobody’s paying that much attention. Everybody is usually wrapped up in their own head. Do what you want, when you want and how you want. If it’s going to create something positive, don’t pay attention to anyone on the sidelines. 
You don’t need to prove your happiness.


5. Do something you’re afraid of.
This year I really got into the flow arts. The flow arts are hula hoop dancing, juggling, dragon staff spinning, fan props and many others. This was fun but I wanted even more of a challenge. So I tried hula hooping with fire. As crazy as it sounds, it was so addicting and a lovely experience. I chose to surround myself with individuals that are educated on fire safety. What I learned is that, trying something scary can usually turn out to be really really exhilarating.

6. Moving will always be stressful.
Moving sucks. It always will. I’ve moved 5 times since I moved to Orlando 4 years ago. The only thing that makes it easier is to start packing in advance. And make friends with/keep in touch with family that have a truck. Other than that, it still sucks. There’s not much else you can do but brace yourself for the stress.

7. Having a savings account for random expenses is important.
You’ll get that unexpected parking ticket. You’ll need to pay those overage charges for when your A/C broke. You might get robbed. And unless you’re a mechanic, you’ll have to pay someone to fix your car when it does some funky stuff. Set aside money to save yourself the hassle of scrounging for change.

8. You will have less friends as you age, but they will be better friends.
This one is tough to accept. As you get older, people will move away for family or jobs. Relationships will change. There’s nothing wrong with that and you are totally allowed to be nostalgic. It’s important to recognize the difference between nostalgia and getting stuck though. Be fond of those old friendships but allow your new ones, or the ones that you still have to flourish in place. 

9. Pity parties are no longer acceptable. Buy yourself flowers instead.
Self talk is something I struggle with. So when I feel like I’m really getting down on myself, I cut it out as soon as I recognize it. Show yourself some self love and even go buy yourself a cheap bouquet of flowers. It may feel funny at first but those flowers will make you smile when you wake up the next day.

10. You will only make as much money as you are willing to work for.
It’s all about the hustle. If you don’t have a side hustle or side job then you’re probably getting complacent. Unless you are totally established in your dream career and making millions, you could probably be innovating another income. Even millionaires continue to have side projects, why shouldn’t you?  

11. Painting furniture is awful.
This is another inevitable fact I came to learn this past year. It seems like a great idea to say “Oh it’s fine, I can just paint it all. It just looks like there’s four or five sides to it.” Until you realize their are handles and drawers and edges and textures. It’s the worst. Painting always takes long than you expect it to.

12. It’s important to know what you like to order at a bar; have your own drink. Or be confident in knowing that you don’t like to drink.
If you like girly drinks and you’re a big man, order it with confidence. If you’re a girly girl and you know you like an old fashioned with rye whiskey, you’re probably my kind of girl. Whatever it is, know your drink. It’s your preference and it’s good to get to know your preferences.

13. Establish a style all your own and then refine it a little.
If you like wearing bright colors and patterns, make it work; make it cohesive. Or if you prefer comfy clothing, you can find complete looks with great materials that feel so good on your skin. Even if it’s only an extra 5 minutes out of your day to plan your outfit, it will show that you put in some sort of effort. Let your outfits flow and be an extension of who you are inside. You don’t have to buy the most expensive clothes to wear clothes with personality. Style does not equate to high expenses. Be you and wear what feels like you.

14. Having goals and plans will keep you moving forward.
Stagnancy is a drug. We too often get comfortable and then years pas and we wonder, what happened? Even small goals in fitness or making more time for family are important goals. Big career goals or creative goals are always possible too. Anything is better than not having something to look forward too.

15. But finding love will keep you present.
You so deserve to be loved in a healthy and satisfactory way. Passion does not have to be toxic. Love will greet you as soon as your stop looking for it. Don’t push it away though. There’s nothing cool about saying that you hate relationships. That’s like saying you hate the idea of somebody totally accepting you and celebrating you. Finding love will remind you to take each day as it comes, alongside your partner.

16. Fight with your partner- however, do it constructively.
Name calling doesn’t help. Violence doesn’t help. Lying doesn’t help. Why do we avoid confrontation? Because we connect fighting with these actions. Once you eliminate all the negative actions from fighting, what do you have left? A conversation. You can ask your partner: “How can I do better next time? What can I change to make things work better?” Or you can say “This certain thing upsets me and I would like for you to consider why it does.” A conversation can solve something. Negativity cannot.


17. Bad things will happen; then more bad things will happen.
When it rains, it monsoons. The best you can do is keep a sense of humor. Breakdowns are normal. Learn from them and you will be stronger.

18. Be Safe.
Don’t drive without your seat belt on or text while you are behind the wheel. Take a cab or an Uber or have a friend pick you up when you’ve been drinking. Don’t walk around the city at night alone. These are all common sense but your safety is important. So there’s your sign!

19. Some of your ideas will be unsuccessful, some will be epic.
That’s why you take risks.You have to get all the crap out of the way to get to the good stuff. And if you don’t even try to get the crap out of the way, you’ll NEVER get to the good stuff.


20. Taking trips is important. Get in touch with history and culture.
Even if you only go an hour away, give yourself a chance to learn something new and experience a new area. Our brains are wired to take in new information. I’m all about that daily grind, but it goes back to being stagnant. Find that balance between working hard and branching out. History and culture are two aspect of life that feed your soul.

21. You deserve to be cherished and valued.
You are worth a real loving healthy relationship. Sometimes we all need to remember that. Don’t settle. Look yourself in the mirror everyday and ask, “Am I getting the love I deserve?” If you aren’t, keep it moving. I’ve chased after too many people who frankly, just enjoyed being chased. There will be someone out there for you that will chase after you too.

22. Realize when you are have unrealistic expectations and let them go.
Letting go of expectations is the quickest way to find happiness exactly where you are. I struggle with this one everyday. Appreciate everything and simply expect nothing.

23. There’s no other feeling like jamming out to your favorite song.
Do it regularly. Have a dance party. You’ll feel fantabulous. You’re never to old to feel fantabulous.


24. Good things take handwork and time.
Patience! Patience! Patience! I say this to myself often, but still not often enough. Life will grow and flourish as it should. We’re all on our own timelines, lets make it count and watch all the great things ahead of us unfold as we diligently work hard to reach our goals and get better everyday.

Thanks for reading! Much love~

Hospitality for the Hard-At-Work

I’ve worked in the service industry for long enough to know how easy it is to forget about serving yourself. I’ve delivered pizzas, hosted, bussed, waited tables until the late hours, bartended until the morning hours and now, I actually wait tables in the morning hours on purpose. As someone who is literally making a living by meeting the needs of customers, I often neglected my own.

This applies to anyone who has found their self becoming a workaholic under the umbrella of taking care of other people. Whether it’s a manager calling you in on your day off, having to stay later than usual because a table decided to stay or having a customer complain to you about something beyond your control, we’ve all been there. Whether you are a hairstylist, massage therapist or you work in the food service industry, you know exactly how draining it can be to work weird hours and commit to making everyone else happy behind a forced smile. More often than not, my smile is genuine and that’s because I’ve learned to take care of me.

Here are some tips for how I’ve found it possible to create that genuine contentment and cultivate a life full of good energy while making a living in the service industry.


  1. Reclaim your morning.
    You might not go to work until 4 in the afternoon or you might get up at 4 am for your shift. It doesn’t matter what time you are waking up; but it does matter that you have a few things that make you feel like the day is yours to own.
    I would say pick three things to do every morning.
    Some examples could be: making a cup of coffee or tea, meditating or praying, making yourself food/packing snacks, playing a podcast, lighting incense, stretching, playing music, breathing exercises, glancing over your calendar, etc. Any of these will work.
    It’s so easy to fling yourself out of bed 20 minutes before your shift, throw on some clothes and go. I say take 25 minutes. Start by adding just 5 minutes of personal ritual to your morning. It will shape your day and set the tone for how you approach your shift.
    *Try this: set up your coffee maker, set out your uniform and write out your to-do list the night before. Transitioning to creating a morning all your own can start the night before and will open up more time for you the next day to do other morning rituals.


  2. Stretch and rehabilitate.
    You’re always on your feet. I know you want gorgeous legs but if you don’t take care of them, they’ll be decked out in varicose veins by the time you’re 30. Maybe you already have them and you’re looking to tend to them?
    Stretch out before your shift; you’re going to a shift that will have you monotonously walking back and forth but you’ll still be burning calories. Carrying plates on the same arm/overloading what you carry is going to wear on your body. Ask for help at work. Working in the service industry means everything is always in a time crunch, but that doesn’t mean you should break your back to get things done. Ask yourself, is it really worth it to run while carrying this bucket of ice?
    Stretch after your shift too. The amount of time you are willing to spend stretching is the amount of rehabilitation you will experience. You won’t feel as stiff and sore the next day. Even if it’s only 10 minutes before and after, it will make a difference.

    *Try this: lie on the floor with your legs/feet against the wall. This will reverse the blood flow and reduce any swelling. It also will help you wind down, relax and fall asleep after a shift.


  3. Limit your alcohol intake. And drink some damn water.
    I know, it sounds crazy. There’s unlimited soda everywhere. Plus servers love to get drinks after a tough shift. And there’s usually going to be drugs around you. You’re going to encounter it regularly. Point blank period. Not hating, just stating. I have found that I performed my best at work when I wasn’t hungover; sounds like common sense right?
    That is quickly forgotten in the world of restaurants and bars. There’s nothing wrong with going out for drinks when you feel you’ve really earned it. But did you really earn it the last 5 nights in a row?
    Find something else to do with people you enjoy being around after work or simply go home. You aren’t missing anything new and nothing good ever happens after midnight. If you think you’re forming an addiction, seek help. Chances are you could just be over indulging due to the environment but it’s always great to have support. The people that matter won’t judge you and those that do, don’t matter.


  4. Have a hobby outside of your job.
    I can’t stress this one enough. This one will motivate you. This one will give you the energy to keep going on those days where it seems like you’re beyond over giving all your energy to people you barely know. It will give you something to do besides shoot the shit with your coworkers on your days off. It will help you form meaningful relationships with others beyond your place of employment. It will give you a general sense of joy and well being that work and money simply cannot offer.
    *Try this- pick one activity, hobby or skill and choose to actively engage in it once a week. Do this for a month. Rather than meter your progress, at the end of the month reflect on how you have changed instead.


  5. Take advantage of your ability to take time off.
    In most cases, you’ll be able to request a day off here and there or a weekend or even a week, if you give enough time. Maybe this is only your temporary job or maybe this is your forever job.
    Either way, you have the ability to grant yourself free time, which most other jobs don’t allow. Take advantage of that. The money will always be there, the work place won’t crumble without you.
    People that travel/take time off are usually more devoted to maintaining a strong work ethic when they are at work. It’s because travel and time off promotes a more positive state of mind. And if you’re feeling good inside, you’re more likely to put your best foot forward at work.
    *Try this: Request one day off per month. Of course you will have other days off. Yet you should still set aside one day per month, just to play hooky, to reset.


  6. Get comfortable.
    I’ve worked jobs where I had to wear booty shorts and panty hose and jobs where I wore slacks and dress shirts. I still found it possible to customize my uniform so that it was comfortable for my body. It comes down to wearing fabrics that feel good on my skin, not wearing anything too tight, and getting a great pair of shoes. I’m always willing to spend a decent amount of money on comfortable shoes because if my feet hurt then I’m not in a good mood. If I’m not in a good mood, I’m not going to make money!
    *Try this: essential oils like peppermint and lavender are so relaxing and soothing. You can apply them to the bottoms of your feet, wrists and behind your ears before and during your shift to consistently feel good. It’s like icy-hot but more soothing and smells great!

    I hope these tips help! If you have any questions about my suggestions, feel free to ask.
    Thanks for reading, much love.

Saint Valentine or St. Augustine?

As a Floridian, I grew up hearing all about St. Augustine and the fort. In 5th grade I went on a field trip to visit; however appreciating the history of the town didn’t happen until now, in my 24th year of life.

For this Valentine’s day, I was lucky enough to have a partner that planned a little getaway to the historic and haunted town of St. Augustine. Upon arriving in the town, I felt like I had been transported through a time capsule to an earlier Florida that truly resembled Spain.

We arrived at our Air bnb, a 1930’s cottage around 2 pm.


Our first downtown experience included visiting the Cathedral Basilica and the Oldest Wooden School House. Live music lived at each pub and restaurant. Street performing violinists, guitarists and bucket drummers were at home in the alleyways and on every corner.


We dined out at The Columbia; this location opened in 1983 and the original opened in 1905. We sipped on their famous red sangria and munched on crab and shrimp dip. My main course of cannelloni pasta filled with lobster and scallops was dressed with a sherry reduction cream sauce. The recipe was created in Barcelona in 1836.

After dinner we attended a historic walking ghost tour. The story teller brought us to locations including Flagler college, the local churches, the town square and alleyways, all where people had been killed. Ranging from public executions of pirates to romantically fueled murders, this town was drenched in death. The story teller literally said “If you take anything away from this tour I hope it’s this, you’re walking on a layer cake of dead bodies.”
After our ghost tour, we had a small bonfire and decided to turn in for the night.


The next morning we were checked out by 11 am and were on our way to try a new restaurant in the historic Casa Blanca. The new restaurant “Brunch” was attached to the Casa Blanca and presented a beautiful oceanside view of sailboats and cloudless crisp skies.

Did I mention we walked through the haunted gates?
Supposedly a childlike ghost is ever present among them.
The gates themselves are over 200 years old.


We stopped by the Shell Shop Trading Store to give the souvenirs a once over and also peeked into the wax museum that had once been a drug store. Personally, I’m not a fan of non-moving figurine like people, but I can appreciated a big medicine cabinet. The front room of the museum is worth checking out. There were shelves upon shelves stacked with old-timey medicines and remedies. There was something morbidly intriguing about the old drug store.

After perusing the many popular prescriptions (and deciding that they all looked like death in a bottle) we stepped into a small garden area that housed The Love Tree. Legend has it that if you kiss under the tree, you are guaranteed eternal love with this person. Not pictured: the kiss. We decided to keep that picture just for us.
We also found another hidden garden attached to a local shop, decorated with colorful prisms and sun-catchers.


Our last stop was the Castillo de San Marcos, the oldest masonry fort in the states. The walls were all made of coquina, a shell found only in the Caribbean and Florida. The tall rounded ceilings housed prisoners, soldiers and Native Americans that were once held captive.

Experiencing so much history in one place was almost overwhelming; it was like you could feel the energy of war and legend throughout the 500+ year old town. My goal for my next visit is to explore the famous lighthouse. If you’re native to Florida or even from elsewhere, I highly recommend taking the trip to St. Augustine to fully submerse yourself in the history and hauntings.
As always, thanks for reading and much love to you from me.

Fresh Squeezed Friday

Part One.

Laundromat soap and stale cigarette smoke both flushed my nostrils as I peddled past the plaza. The buildings were old and you could tell because the wall stucco was cracking in a fashion that didn’t look like it was meant to have a rustic feel; it just looked shitty. I paused at the crosswalk until a pickup halted and honked for me to pass. I pressed onwards to the trail ahead of me. It was like being a kid, like I was flying. This bicycle below me wasn’t just a vehicle forward but one of time travel. At least that was what the flea market vendor sold me. Maybe it was a metaphor and I fell for it. Regardless, I had the wind on my face and I felt like a humming bird buzzing past the tree stumps below me-until I really went flying. Face first, elbows grinding the pavement, hips over my head, flying.

What kind of time travel bullshit was this? I could hear the chain still spinning and the tires rotating at maximum speed. I saw my phone was 20 feet away as I inch-wormed up to a sitting position. Blood trickled to my wrists and my knee caps mirrored the red ribbons. I felt flushed and light headed; and so so angry. That kind of anger that bubbles beneath the surface for days, the kind of anger that steams your throat and worms up to your eyes through tears that weren’t supposed to be there. My face was wet; I started laughing. Uncontrollable and inconsolable laughter spewed from my lips. A bike gang of ten year olds sped past me yelling out misused curse words; clearly they didn’t know dyke wasn’t offensive anymore.

It was in that moment that I got it- nobody ever grows up. There is no real adulthood. I got up and hauled my bicycle off the trail to lay sunny side up in the grass. Cloud watching was my favorite pastime as a kid. I had this giant bouncy trampoline growing up. Half the time I’d bounce, and the other half I’d lay. I’d lay and look and ponder. I found myself drifting off into the blue haze above me. I blinked and blinked and felt something was off. I wasn’t in the grass anymore. I wasn’t in my body, not my adult body. I wasn’t bleeding either. My limbs were stumpy and short extending from my chubby midsection. I slinked upwards. A woven black canvas stretched beneath me. My giant trampoline. My childhood trampoline.

I began to panic. I could feel the sweat beads forming like little pearls rolling down my spine. Why was I here? Where was my bike? How would I get home? Something else was off. I could hear explosions. Far off in the distance there were sharp flashes and a thick layer of smoke. I was pressed to find out who’s backyard my trampoline was in. I stumbled down, feeling significantly shorter. I heard a woman screaming and figured that was my cue to run. I launched myself up a rusted chainlink fence and my denim rhinestone shorts caught at the top. How old was I that I thought it was okay to wear rhinestones? I fell forward, flat on my knees, pushed up and continued running. The woman slammed the wooden door to the back of her olive shack of a house; I barely caught a glimpse of her. I kept running into the thickening smoke. The booming grew deeper but I felt like I was being pulled by a magnet. I  slowed my pace to get a good look around.
To be continued.

Thanks for reading!
Much love~

Trending on a Tuesday

What’s causing blips on my Tuesday radar?

If you go on Twitter, #TuesdayThoughts is trending. Tweeters different and alike all share their positive and occasionally negative current thoughts, pertaining to Tuesday. Most tweets were positive inspiration to focus on oneself-which I totally dig. Some tweets reverted back to the ongoing political climate. My favorite tweets were those that steered clear of anything too controversial; not because I don’t love a good controversy but because seeing twitter users spread a little love was pleasant. Why spread extra love today?

It’s Bob Marley’s birthday!
He would’ve been 73 years old today. Born on February 6, 1945, the Aquarius that spoke to and continues to reach many of us, passed away in 1981. His messages of love and harmony still feel like a relevant overarching theme in today’s ever changing world. My personal favorite songs of his are “Redemption Song” and the ever classic “Could You Be Loved.” The real question is- could you be loved? Are you loving yourself and others today? Turn up some good ole Marley and spread the love today.

In other news- read that with your best imaginary anchor voice- NPR published an article posing the question “Can computers learn like humans?” And I am totally perplexed.
Beautiful R2d2 Meme Star Wars R2D2 Funny meme Funny Nerd Meme s
The article goes over artificial intelligence and the exponential growth in recent years. The main idea is to get computers to be self sufficient in learning new programs but the biggest obstacle is granting them that ability and being able to create the experience. How creepy would it be to have your laptop converse with you and your spouse about the weather?
But how dope would it be to have your microwave tell you that your leftovers smell absolutely delicious? Here’s the link if you’d like to explore the article more, because as much as I love to share my fleeting thoughts, the facts are much more intriguing.


Now you’ve got an entire day ahead of you! Tweet something sweet or political with the hashtag #TuesdayThoughts, turn up Bob Marley and salute him with your choice of burning flame; candle or otherwise. Maybe even go chat up your microwave.
Don’t worry, (I won’t tell anyone) and be happy.

Thanks for for reading, much love.

Feat. image from Rolling Stone originally.