Recently I attended a music festival in Live Oak, Florida. The town is right on the Suwannee river near the Florida/Georgia border. I was encompassed by interactive art displays, booming music sets, a crisp fall air and some of the most creative minds I’ve ever encountered.

I was lucky enough to stumble upon a workshop happening that resembled a meditation. My girlfriend and I sat down to listen in. The speaker told us about how we could achieve anything we wanted, if we were able to visualize it.

The workshop was free; the speaker humbly sat on the ground. She said, this could be as simple as drawing a stick figure on a piece of paper and saying “this is me and I’m happy.” And then you could go through your day, continuing to visualize this, and succeed in it.

Or it could be as complicated as planning out your next career or travel moves. The choices were not limited. Anyone could do anything. As long as you could visualize yourself achieving whatever it was, you would attract the possibilities and opportunities.

What I really took away from this workshop was also the ability to let go, and to embrace detachment. Its important to look inward and say, “okay I recognize that I’m feeling this right now, I acknowledge that. And now I’m choosing to feel a different way.” There is so much power in gaining control over one’s emotions. 

Recently meditations have helped me greatly. Taking 5 minutes a day to scan over how my body is feeling, what my mind is thinking and how my emotions are affecting me is beneficial. I’m able to ground myself and return to the simple idea, that I can achieve whatever I want, as long as I can visualize it. Sometimes I don’t always know where to picture myself in the future or what exactly I’ll be doing. However, when I emit those positive vibrations and mentally picture myself successful and happy, I’m able to open my eyes and be even more grateful for all that I already have.

 I highly recommend trying out short mediations and tracking the way it affects your daily life. It’s as easy as looking up 5 minute guided meditations on youtube. If you have 5 minutes to read this then you’ve got the time! Just sit, and breathe. Let your thoughts come and go without judgment of self. See if you feel like you can think more clearly. See if you attract more good in your life. Good attracts good. Even when we experience bad, if we choose to stay positive, we can come out a winner. Attract the vibrations you desire, by sharing them first.

11 Twists of 37 Dreads

I’ve had dreads for nearly a year now. Over the past year, my life has changed dramatically, and a big reason is due to my hair. The way others perceive me and treat me overall is unlike ever before. Some experiences are positive and some aren’t so much. I’ve had to get used to complete strangers coming up to me to comment on my hair. Sometimes they touch it unannounced. I’ve been turned down from jobs because of my locks. However, I’ve been granted more fitting and positive situations by people who accepted me and my 37 locks. Here’s 11 of the most common questions, comments and myths I encounter on a daily basis.

1.  “Do you even wash your hair? And how?”

With soap. It’s crazy. I put it on my scalp, massage my roots and work up a small lather and rinse it out by working it through my ends. Sound familiar? Thats because the process is! The main difference is that I use shampoos that don’t leave behind a residue. My shampoo revolves around a base of essential oils. I also wash my hair pretty regularly, every 3-4 days. Every dread head has their own unique wash schedule and it’s a personal process that depends on how often you work up a sweat, how oily your scalp is and what environments you’re in. It’s truly amazing how when you wash your hair less, your scalp regulates the amount of oil it produces. My hair is actually less oily with dreads than without. We focus on getting our roots very clean and rinsing them thoroughly. I like to ring out my dreads in sections while the water runs over them. I wash my hair every 3-4 days because I’m outside a lot and I work nearly everyday so I like make sure my scalp is feeling fresh and light. More often than that and my scalp would be irritated. I notice that my dreads locked up extremely fast and that because I keep mine very clean. The cleaner the dreads are, the easier it is is for them to tighten up.

2.“Can I touch your hair?” *Touches hair without waiting*

Never just touch someone’s dreads. Don’t pull on them. Don’t play with them. We get enough people that do that without warning. Unless you are told specifically that a person is okay with you touching their hair, don’t assume it’s fine. Sometimes it will be okay and other times, maybe not. Always ask. Besides, when was the last time you washed your hands anyway?

3. “You got dreads because you stopped brushing your hair.”

Although I don’t have to brush my hair anymore, that isn’t how I got dreadlocks . I went to a salon and had my hair professionally sectioned. Each section was then backcombed and then a very small crochet hook (similar to the size of a needle) was used to crochet the dread. The point is not to pull hair into the dread and rip it out on the other side but rather to crochet the hair into the dread nice and tightly and then maneuver the hook out safely. Not every dread head uses this method, it all depends on the texture of the hair and the desired look. For skinnier dreads, you would get smaller sections and vice versa. Some dread heads don’t section their hair at all; these are called freeform locks. Either way, we all palm roll our sections and retwist the roots.

4. “I bet your hair has a lot of wax/product in it to make it look that way.”

I personally prefer not to use product in my hair. Like I said before, I wash my hair regularly and then I’ll blow dry my roots to get out the dampness. Thats it. There’s a lot of wax products and oil based sprays out there for dreads. However, I found that when I put a lot of product in my dreads, it weighed them down and made them feel like that had excess oil and gunk in them. The products would temporarily tame flyaway hairs but then after a wash, they would be back. I decided to put down the products after having my dreads for about a month and my locks tightened right up naturally. As said earlier, clean dreads lock up fast on their own.

5. “How long do you plan on having your hair that way?”

This question always kind of irks me because when I see someone with a new haircut or color, I compliment them. The last thing I would do is ask them “Well how long is it gonna be like that?” So the answer is, as long as I’d like.

6. “You’ll have to shave your head when you want to get rid of your dreads.”

That’s not true! Some salons offer dread removal as a service. It’s a very meticulous process. It includes soaking the dreadlocks and then using a needle-like pick to slowly comb the dread out. Or you can always do it on your own. Anything done in a salon for dreads can be done at home. I’ve seen people who had a full head of dreads go back to not having dreads anymore and they never once took out the clippers.

7. “What happens if you get lice?”

Although this has never happened to my while having my locks, I would assume it would be a horrendous thing to deal with. Isn’t lice always the worst? You can always remove the dreadlocks and treat treat the scalp. Now with that being said, lice need hair that they can move freely in. Lice can’t thrive in dense hairstyles. So it’s actually much more likely for someone without dreadlocks or braids to get lice than someone with them.

8. “White people that have dreads are appropriating a culture that isn’t theirs.”

This is always a tough one for me. Hair is something so special and unique. The politics that relate to textured hair and dreadlocks go back to what is seen as acceptable by a superficial society that places so much value on having straight hair.  There are still plenty of work places that won’t allow dreadlocks. I’ve been turned down from waitressing jobs because of my hair. It’s an unacceptable rule that excludes people that could be just as capable if not more talented depending on the job. Dreadlocks shouldn’t be a reason to deny anyone anything.Fortunately, many generations of dreadlocks have been worn and they are accepted more now than in the past.
With that being said, I’ve always loved dreadlocks. I’ve loved them so much that I dreaded my own hair. I can only speak for myself; I did it out of my love for the hairstyle. I’ve always had long knotty hair and I would cry after every hair cut. I hated brushing my tangled hair. I hated styling it. I didn’t like the process of maintaining my hair to look a certain way everyday. With dreads, I am able to live a more carefree and flexible lifestyle. Although I do not come from a long line of people that wear dreadlocks, I appreciate those that do.
By definition, cultural appropriation is borrowing something from a culture to exploit the culture itself and bring harm to the culture. I feel that each dread head should be considered individually, since we are all individuals. Because of freedom of expression, cultural appropriation is inevitable on some level. I’m not saying that it is right or wrong; I’m simply saying that it is. However, I’d like to note that cultural appropriation is only a relevant accusation when a cultural aspect is fetishized and stereotyped.
There is such a thing as benign borrowing and cultural appreciation. These are a more positive approach to the sharing of cultural aspects and for example, dreads. The world we live in is kind of like a melting pot, that’s what makes us all so beautiful. By wearing dreads, I am never claiming to be anything other than my authentic creative self. Again, I can’t say that I speak for anyone other than myself when it comes to dreadlocks. I love my dreadlocks, and that is why I have them. I have them for me and nobody else. They are not to impress anyone or to be liked by others. But if others like them, then that’s great! Maintaining my locks and growing them has been a journey unlike any other. I understand why at first glance, it can seem like I am taking something from someone else. But I think that’s a way of separating people. Many cultures ranging from the Celtics to the Ancient Greek to Indigenous Australians to Tibetan Buddhists to Rastafarians have had dreadlocks. Dreadlocks are even discussed in the Bible for Christ’s sake; and yes, pun intended! Dreads have been around forever and they’ll continue to have a presence among all walks of life.

9. “You probably save so much money by having dreads.”

This is kind of funny. I feel like I do save money because I don’t have to buy products and straighteners or get hair cuts and color treatments. Although most dread heads don’t, there are dread heads out there that enjoy trimming their locks when they get too heavy or coloring them for fun. I don’t really do any of that so I can only speak on my experience. I will say that my shampoo isn’t cheap. One bottle runs around $20 but it lasts me about 6 months. Again, I really don’t encourage using products in dreadlocks, even if they claim to be water soluble but some people like to use them. Products can be pricey as well. Getting maintenance on dreadlocks is another expense in itself, and it’s painful. Luckily, I go to an awesome chick who only charges $70 an hour and typically takes about 60-90 minutes. However, I know there are salons out there that charge upwards of $150-$200 an hour. I get maintenance done about every 3-4 months. Some dread heads go longer, some get maintenance done more often. It’s all about personal preference but it can cost a pretty penny.

10. “You’ve ruined your natural hair by getting it dreaded.”

This one is so silly to me. Again, I’ve seen the hair of those that have removed their dreads and it’s actually softer than ever. That’s because when the hair is dreaded, it isn’t being damaged by chemicals and heated hair tools. And if you’re a dread head that chooses not to color their hair or uses a particularly natural dye then the hair will be affected accordingly. When the dreadlocks are removed, the hair may be of varying lengths but the texture isn’t damaged. The hair will be strong and healthy!

11. “You’ll never get a job with that hairstyle.”

Maybe I won’t get certain jobs because of my hair, but I don’t believe that all places will turn me down. Despite all the hate out there for millenials, I’m lucky to be one in a pretty progressive world. Unfortunately we live with stereotypes and biases everywhere, but we have to work past those stagnant opinions. Any place that doesn’t want me because of my hair, isn’t a place I’d like to work anyways. Hair is hair and all styles are beautiful.

I hope this was an enlightening glimpse into the world of dreadlocks. The knowledge is endless and I’m still learning as I go. I can’t speak for anyone other than myself and my own experience with my dreadlocks. In no way am I assuming that any one experience is the same as another. However, I wanted to offer a insight for anyone who has ever asked these questions, said these things or wondered about them. Sometimes it can be tough to understand something different, but all it takes is a little tolerance and education.

The Domino Effect

I recently watched a video that was shared on Facebook. It was about 8 minutes of dominos falling; that’s it. The theme of the dominos was games; so sports, board games, video games, basically all types of games. Each section was dedicated to a different game than the last. The sequence started with sports, then the old school games and then moved on to the newer generations of each. After each area fell, there would be a constructed contraption that would move a designated object to the next area of a game.

For example, one ball would hit another ball that would roll to land in a basket that swung to hit the next domino. It was much more elaborate than that; I’m not any kind of expert on games or dominos. But watching these tiny plastic colored rectangles fall onto each other, triggered my thinking to shift.

This was just like life.

Not the board game life, but really- real life.

Each person is born into this world with a chance to get the basic skills down for survival. This beginning is like the old school area of the dominos. As you learn and perform each skill, you become able to learn and perform the next. You become involved in making your own decisions like when to eat or when to sleep. You move on to decide when to defy someone in charge or when to do your homework. As you grow older you choose a career path, whether to be in a relationship and where you’d like to live.

These actions are like the dominos. Like the dominos, they are continuous and coexist all in one life; in every life. And you keep performing these actions with free will.

You make more decisions, push more balls in baskets and make it to the next area.

Each area has a theme in your life, based off of your decision making skills. Will this be a good phase? Will this phase be beyond your control and contain some bad circumstances? Will your theme continue to be consistent and resilient or will it be chaotic and combative?

Each phase moves at the same speed but may feel more chaotic, because there is more going on. There were a few parts in the video where dominos were stacked in these huge cubes. When they fell, they fell at the same rate but more fell at the same time; it was much louder and more dominos were collapsing at once. Sometimes life will be louder too.

Still, they kept falling. Watching the designs crumble was fascinating. It was the way each piece affected the next to keep going. There was no good or bad; just a transfer of energy. Life can be like that too. The he sun will still set and rise whether your decisions have created good or bad.

Relationships are both alike and unlike this. They can cease at one bad argument. Or they can continue. Both situations create an effect for what will happen next, like the dominos. Did you choose to fight with that person? Do they look at you differently now? Were you vulnerable with another person and do they look at you the same?

The way we treat others affects how others will treat us. One little push and the energy moves forward. Whatever it is that you say or do, to and for, another person will create a relationship or lack thereof that will continue to simply be.

I got creative (sarcasm) and googled the domino effect. I came across the butterfly effect. To be in effect is to currently be happening; thus a current verb form. To have happened already would be an affect; this would be the aftermath. Now the butterfly effect runs off of the idea that smaller movements create larger movements. The little butterfly twitches its wings up and down and then it can fly. These actions leading to a result are also like the domino effect but with a an emphasis on the result.

I found this to be interesting because life may be like dominos in that one phase leads into another, and one action brings the next. However, it’s even more like butterflies; great phenomenons created by millions of delicate movements.

Near the end of the video, you could hear a crowd counting down from 10. I could feel my pulse pick up; would all the dominos fall fast enough in time? After 7 minutes and 50 seconds of dominos, you become a little invested in the outcome.
Well, the timer ran out and there was still one last area of dominos to fall. And they fell. Everyone cheered. It counted as a part of the whole series of dominos falling even though the last section started right as the buzzer rang. This too is like life.

We’re on somewhat of a timer, but unfortunately, we can’t see it. We don’t get the luxury of a countdown. Our actions won’t occur faster or slower; they just will once we make our decisions. We don’t know if we’ll make sure that every domino falls but we’ll keep going. When our timer runs out, our dominos will keep falling until there are no more.  Will there be a bloodline to carry your name? Will you leave a legacy of charity or an infamous remanence behind? Will you treat the people you encounter daily with a little more gratitude or be quicker to apologize?

Our smallest most insignificant actions will affect someone, somewhere. They may leave small tracks or they may become monumental moments. Inevitably, life will go on and the energy we create will continue to stem from the decisions we make.  Everyday, the choice is ours to use that energy wisely before our timer too, eventually buzzes.

If you’re lost, read this.

In the brief time I’ve inhabited this big blue planet, I’ve learned one simple truth:

I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Sometimes that can feel impossible to endorse. I’ve learned to laugh at myself, a lot. Instead of retreating from changes and chances, I propose the universe with “Is that all you got?” when the sky starts falling around my feet. (I keep an umbrella close by these days.)
I ask, what am I supposed to be learning right now?
Is it patience? Is it gratitude?
I’d say it’s a fusion, with a splash of fate.

Each day is brimming with the ebb and flow situational circumstances and how I choose to react. Some of my most rewarding lessons have been the ones that challenged my expectations.

For example, I was really hung up on becoming a bartender for a while. I’ve been in the service industry for years and am very close to finishing school. I thought bartending would make me happier. I loved the science behind making a great cocktail. I learned to flip the flaring bottles and free pour. I learned go-to shots and came up with my own concoctions. On the contrary, it wasn’t what I expected. Don’t get me wrong, I got really good at it. I was fast, diligent and it was fun. But I hated the back breaking work. I was always covered in bruises and nursing sore shoulders and wrists. I hated cutting my hands open every night on small shards of glass and scrubbing the floors. I hated getting off at 2 or 3 or 4 am. I hated filling and pouring endless buckets of ice. I hated dealing with demanding drunks. I’d wait all day to go to work and felt like I never had any free time. I felt the life leaving my body; my soul was being drained. I wasn’t focusing on school or my goals. There I was with a bunch of money, burning a hole in my pocket, with no time to spend it and no energy to enjoy it.
I felt sidelined from my own life.

I decided to try a breakfast serving job. I thought, why am I working so hard and so late, when I could completely change my approach? I recently moved to a new part of town and walked into a few restauaunts to drop off resumes. I didn’t even know if the breakfast joint was hiring, but I stopped in to show my face. A few weeks later, I had my first shift.  Not only did this give me nights off, but it completely changed my daily schedule. I was forced into becoming a morning person. I’d worked nights for 7 years of my life; scared didn’t even begin to cover it.

To my own surprise, I don’t hate it; I like it. My body clock is now regulated; my sleep at night is deeper and longer. This simple change has helped me combat old habits of drinking regularly and has helped me prioritize my well being. My general outlook on life is more optimistic. I’m not overextending myself or sleep deprived. Of course there are days where getting out of bed feels like pulling a bucket of rocks out of a well; but it still trumps the alternative. The fast pace of working in a morning setting suits me. Once I’m up, I’m ready to be my best self. None of this is to say one job is better than the other; one simply makes me a happier human.
So what’s my point?

I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

I never would’ve experienced this new found contentment if I had never stepped away from working late nights. Leaving my comfort zone of working with the same people and in the same setting, altered my perception of how to work smarter. At first I wasn’t great at this change. Then I decided, I can either fail at this or I can totally embrace it. I thought, if I embrace waking up early and learning new things then I won’t fail at this.
It worked.
I’m my best self in the fast pace, I make more money and I have more time for myself outside of work. I try to embrace changes in every aspect of my life now. Each chance I take, allows something else to happen in my life. When everything was always easy and comfortable, I became unappreciative and stagnant.

Life tests us to push us. Our character is revealed through the changes that occupy our lives. When we react positively, our vibrant energy grows like wildflowers. When we react negatively, our stagnant energy spreads like weeds. Sometimes I’m very disinclined to react positively; it’s not always my first or most natural response. Sometimes I react negatively. But when I hold onto bad situations it knots up an anger in my throat and a heavy sense of powerlessness in my heart. Those times remind me to alter my perception and try to learn something. Because the truth is that even in the most defeating circumstances, we are never totally powerless;

We are exactly where we are supposed to be.